PS If this is Ziva
by hslacer
Summary: This is my first attempt at a Tiva story. It has been a year since Tony and Ziva parted at the airport. How has that hard 180 changed their lives?
1. Chapter 1

P.S if this is Ziva

Chapter 1

AN: This idea came to me the other day when I heard the song "Austin" by Blake Shelton. I know I should not take on another story but this one is just itching to get out. Let me know what you think and if I should find time for writing this. Please be kind in your reviews. This is my first attempt at a Tiva story.

NCIS

Anthony DiNozzo sat on his couch staring at the bottle of bourbon sitting on the coffee table. In the background he could hear the sound of Julie Andrews singing the sound of music. He really did hate The Sound of Music but it was her favorite and somehow it made him feel closer to her. It had been a year since he had kissed her good bye at that remote Israeli airport. "That was the hardest 180 I ever made," he whispered. Sitting next to the bottle of bourbon were two cell phones and a framed picture of Ziva David, his former partner.

He jumped when one of the phones rang. He stared at the two phones hoping the older blue blackberry phone would ring. It was her phone. He had gotten a new phone about six months after returning from Israel. Every time it rang he could not help but hope it was her. "Hello," he answered his black Iphone.

"You broke the seal yet, Tony." Gibbs replied on the other end.

"No Boss."

Gibbs could hear the movie in the background. "Don't! Feeling sorry for yourself tonight DiNozzo. Put the bottle up. Drinking is not the way."

"Well Boss, it has been a year today since I got on that plane. Nobody says her name. It's like she died like Kate. "Tony reached for the bottle. He cracked the seal and poured himself a drink. "I just want to be left alone, Boss. I want to drink her memory away."

"Won't work, Tony. Trust me. You wake up in the morning hung over and you still remember." Gibbs replied. "I'm coming over there. At least if you try to drown her memory out of your head I can hold the barf bucket."

"Boss, don't. I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. You're not fooling me." Gibbs was almost yelling at this point. "She made her choice, Tony."

"I know but I don't have to like it." Tony replied as he gulped down his first drink. He then quickly poured another. Then he hung up the phone. No one was going to stop him drinking the pain away, not tonight.

NCIS

Gibbs hung up the phone. He turned around and noticed Timothy McGee descending the stairs into the basement. "Was that Tony, Boss?" Gibbs nodded.

"He alright. He seems awful down lately. "

"I know. Been a rough year on him Tim. He really misses Ziva."

"Did he ever tell her how he feels?"

"No, the two of them danced around it for eight years. Neither of them would ever admit it." Gibbs sighed.

Tim nodded. "Do I need to go over there boss? He should not be alone tonight."

Gibbs looked at his junior agent. He walked up and put his hand on Tim's shoulder. "Thanks Tim. I think I need to. After all my stupid rule 12 was one of the reasons they two of them never got together." Tim's eyes widened. He had never heard his boss call any of his rules stupid.

"Maybe Rule 51 covers it, Boss. Rule 12 was made for a reason but maybe in Tony's and Ziva's situation maybe you could be wrong. They had something special I mean have something special. Deep down I know Ziva will be back."

Gibbs had a small smile on his face. Tim was a great friend to Tony. They were brothers and Tim would walk through hell for Tony. "You might be right Tim. Ziva is confused right now. She has to face some demons first."

Tim nodded. "Tony is just messed up right now. He misses her. "Gibbs agreed. His senior field agent not only missed her. Gibbs had always known Tony loved her. Almost from the first day Ziva walked into the bullpen Tony has been attracted to her but it went deeper than that.

"McGee, I need to go check on DiNozzo."

"Sure Boss, keep me posted. Call me if he needs anything. Abby and I will be right over." Gibbs looked at Tim. That was another relationship that was an exception to rule 12.

"Take care of Abby." Gibbs replied. "Rule 51" Tim smiled and nodded his head. He boss was never much for words.

NCIS

As Gibbs drove over toward Tony's apartment he replayed his last conversation with Ziva. Tony's name was never mentioned but it was in everything she told him. She wanted to reexamine her life. She wanted to put her father and her old life behind her. It had hurt him to here the young woman he considered his daughter in such pain and confusion. "Ziver, you have him so torn up. My gut is telling me you are just as torn up as Tony is. I just wish you would call. They two of you need to talk." Gibbs told himself. He just rubbed his hand down his face. He did not know what he expected to find at Tony's apartment but he knew it would not be good.

Gibbs parked his car next to Tony's new car in the parking lot. Just after Tony came back from Israel he had hunted down Ziva's little red curser and paid too much to buy it back. He shook his head and after locking his truck up tight he headed upstairs to Tony's apartment.

As he entered the building he was met by a little blue haired woman taking out the trash. "Good evening, Agent Gibbs."

"Good evening Mrs. Wilson."

"Now, did it not tell you to call me Martha?" she scolded. "I hope you are here to check on our Tony. He did not look good this evening and I heard that movie playing again." Gibbs nodded and took the trash bag from her and walked with her to the trash can.

"He plays it often."

"Almost every night. He has not been himself for a long time." Martha told him. "I think his misses that partner of his but he won't talk to me about it. He's even quit coming by to raid my cookie jar." The couple turned back toward the building after Gibbs put the trash bag in the dumpster. "I miss the old happy go lucky Tony."

"He has been having a hard time lately. I'll have a talk with him."

"Don't scold him." Martha commented. "He really was in love with her."

"I know." Gibbs smiled.

"The only way he will be happy is for her to come back."

Gibbs nodded. "I'm going to see what I can do about that Martha."

They stopped in front of Martha's door. She patted Gibbs' arm. "Thank you. I love that boy and he deserves to be happy."

Gibbs leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "Thank you for keeping an eye on him."

NCIS

After Tim McGee left Gibbs' house he drove slowly back toward Abby's apartment. "Did the Boss just give me permission to pursue Abby romantically?" he thought to himself. He could not believe that Gibbs had mentioned Rule 51. "Sometimes you're wrong" about him and Abby. He knew he had loved her from the first minute he heard her voice on the phone when he was in Norfolk.

Just then his phone rang. He smiled as he noticed the caller ID. "Hey beautiful." Tim replied.

"Hello Timmy. Did you check on Tony?"

"Yeah. Gibbs is headed over to check on him. Said he would call if we were needed."

"Are you on your way over? I'll order Chinese." Abby asked hopefully.

"That sounds great Abby. I'm almost at your place now. I have something I want to tell you." Tim said happily.

"Good news I hope." Abby questioned.

"Very good Abbs."

NCIS

Gibbs came upstairs and knocked on Tony's door. No answer. Gibbs could imagine the scene. DiNozzo passed out on the couch. He could hear the finally of the Sound of Music playing on the other side of the door. Gibbs knocked on the door again. "DiNozzo open up. Either you open up or I'll bust down the door." Gibbs replied. Still no answer. Gibbs reached into his pocket and pulled out his lock pick kit and expertly opened the door.

He walked into the living room. He saw he senior field agent passed out on the couch with a glass in his hand. It was till half full with his last drink. The bottle of bourbon was now almost empty and was sitting on the coffee table next to an 8 by 10 picture of Ziva obviously taken by his cell phone just before he left her in Israel. Gibbs shook his head as he took the glass out of Tony's hand and placing it on the table. He noticed the two cell phones. He has suspected that Tony had kept his old number so that if Ziva wanted to call she could.

Gibbs went over to the DVD player and shut of the movie. As the sound of the movie ended Tony yelled out "Ziva!"

"Relax Tony, I'm here. Told you this would not make your forget." Gibbs replied pointed at the bottle.

"Boss, did Ziva call? Check the blue phone." Tony mumbled. Gibbs looked at the blue phone and saw a missed call. The name on the number was blocked. He really hoped it was Ziva but he wanted to check it out before telling Tony. It could be a telemarketer and he was sure Tony could not take the disappointment if it was not her.

"Don't see anything, DiNozzo." Gibbs lied. He so hated lying to Tony but it was for his agent's emotional health. "Let's get you to bed so you can sleep this off."

"I'm fine Boss." Tony stood up from the sofa. The room then started spinning. The look on his face told Gibbs he needed to grab the nearest trash can. He thrust the trash can under Tony's chin just as he emptied the contents of his stomach into waiting receptacle.

After he had finished Gibbs helped him into the bedroom and made him lay down on the bed. He went over to the bathroom and got a cool wet washcloth and wiped down Tony's face. He then handed him a small glass of water to rinse his mouth out.

Tony lay back on the large pillows on his now king size bed. He had bought a new bed shortly after Eli David's murder and his return from Israel. Gibbs could not help but realize he was turning his bachelor apartment into a place Ziva would want to live. On the table next to the bed was the old picture of Ziva when she was undercover as a pregnant woman and the picture of her when she was undercover as a nightclub singer when Vance broke up the team.

Gibbs could not help but smile. "Oh you have it bad, DiNozzo. We have to find her. I would bet she is just as miserable as you are."

Tony grumbled to himself as Gibbs removed his shoes and pulled the comforter up over his now passed out senior field agent. Gibbs then turned off the light and walked into the living room. He sat down and looked at the missed call on Tony's blue phone. He had to do something. He had to find her. He had to convince her to talk to Tony. He prayed that this call was from her. He grabbed his phone and dialed a familiar number. "We got a case, Boss," was the answer he received from the other end.

"No, McGee. I need you to do me a favor."

"On it Boss."

"I need you check out a cell phone. It seems that when Tony got that new phone number six months ago. He kept the old one. Apparently he wanted Ziva to still be able to call him."

"Did he get a call?"

"Yep and the caller id reads unknown number. I don't want to get Tony's hopes up without checking it out first."

"On it Boss. I will get back to you as quickly as possible."

"Thanks McGee." Gibbs hung up the phone. He grabbed Tony's glass of bourbon and downed it quickly. "Ok Ziver, if that was you call again. You and Tony need to talk." He poured himself another drink " and if it was not you I will make it my mission to find you."

NCIS

Across the world in Israel Ziva David had dialed her partner's cell phone. She had attempted to dial it many, many times in the past year but always managed to hand up before he answered or it went to voice mail. This time she let it go hoping he would answer on their anniversary of sorts. However, it went to voicemail. She was about to hang up when she heard the overture from her favorite movie, the Sound of Music. Then she heard his voice. She had not heard it for such a long time. It seemed to mesmerize her. "You have reached Tony DiNozzo. If this is a weekday I am sure the Boss has me working on a case or even worse paper work. Yuck. If this is the weekend I am probably either working again or at a local movie theater watching a marathon and if you are not Ziva David hang up. You have the wrong damn number. "Ziva felt her breath catch when she heard his voice and what he said. "And PS if this is you Ziva I will always love you. Please tell me where you are?"

Ziva almost dropped the phone but caught it before it hit the floor and woke the two sleeping babies that were lying in their carriers at her feet. "That was your Daddy. He never ceases to amaze me." She leaned back against the back of the chair she was sitting in. She was staring at the ceiling remembering their goodbye at the airport and the tears she had willed not to fall only to have them pour from her eyes as soon as the plane had taken off. "Tony, how can you still love me? How you still say that after the way I have treated you." Tears began once again to fall from her eyes. She really wanted to see him again. She wanted to rush back into his arms. She felt that she had closed that door when she let him leave. "But he still loves me," she thought. "What kind of man would hang on this long? What kind of love that must be?"

She was thinking about calling back to leave a message when one of the babies started to stir. Ziva quickly put the phone down and picked up the little boy. He had dark curly hair and when he looked up at her his green eyes just dance. "You need to be quiet little man. You will wake your sister." Ziva smiled down at her son. He looked up at her eyes sparkling and a huge grin on his face just like his father's.

Here it is. Please review and tell me if I should continue or not. Also, I am open to ideas for how to get them back together.


	2. Chapter 2

PS if this is Ziva

Chapter 2

AN: Wow I am so overwhelmed with the outpouring of the reviews, followers and the love. This is the most reviews I have had on any of my stories. Thank you for the suggestions. I will include some of them in this chapter with my on special twist. They were like the match to the fire of my ideas. Before I start I want to let you know that while I am writing this chapter I have RSV an upper chest infection. When babies get this sometimes they end up in the hospital. If Tony hurt this bad in SWAK, I would love to give him a huge hug.

Stuck in bed and with no NCIS marathon on I am having to find my own entertainment. LOL

Here comes more of their love story.

Previously on PS, if this is Ziva.

Across the world in Israel Ziva David had dialed her partner's cell phone. She had attempted to dial it many, many times in the past year but always managed to hand up before he answered or it went to voice mail. This time she let it go hoping he would answer on their anniversary of sorts. However, it went to voicemail. She was about to hang up when she heard the overture from her favorite movie, the Sound of Music. Then she heard his voice. She had not heard it for such a long time. It seemed to mesmerize her. "You have reached Tony DiNozzo. If this is a weekday I am sure the Boss has me working on a case or even worse paper work. Yuck. If this is the weekend I am probably either working again or at a local movie theater watching a marathon and if you are not Ziva David hang up. You have the wrong damn number. "Ziva felt her breath catch when she heard his voice and what he said. "And PS if this is you Ziva I will always love you. Please tell me where you are?"

Ziva almost dropped the phone but caught it before it hit the floor and woke the two sleeping babies that were lying in their carriers at her feet. "That was your Daddy. He never ceases to amaze me." She leaned back against the back of the chair she was sitting in. She was staring at the ceiling remembering their goodbye at the airport and the tears she had willed not to fall only to have them pour from her eyes as soon as the plane had taken off. "Tony, how can you still love me? How you still say that after the way I have treated you." Tears began once again to fall from her eyes. She really wanted to see him again. She wanted to rush back into his arms. She felt that she had closed that door when she let him leave. "But he still loves me," she thought. "What kind of man would hang on this long? What kind of love that must be?"

She was thinking about calling back to leave a message when one of the babies started to stir. Ziva quickly put the phone down and picked up the little boy. He had dark curly hair and when he looked up at her his green eyes just danced. "You need to be quiet little man. You will wake your sister." Ziva smiled down at her son. He looked up at his eyes sparkling and a huge grin on his face just like his father's.

NCIS

Gibbs had finally dozed off in a large chair he had pulled in from Tony's living room. It had been a rough night. Tony woke several times during the night screaming her name. Sometimes it was about her in danger and then others it was her walking out on him. Gibbs had not realized how attached they two of them had been. He had always known they were soul mates. He had always hoped they would find their way to each other on their own. He had made the decision before he dozed off that he would have to play cupid and force them to face each other.

Then the phone rang. Gibbs grabbed it quickly before it woke Tony. "Gibbs" He got up and walked into the living room closing the double doors behind him.

"Morning Boss, how's Tony?"

"Rough night. He was passed out drunk when I got here. "Gibbs replied. "You got me any information on that phone number."

"Still working on it. If this is Ziva she does not want to be found. I have traced it to Israel. The number seems to be on the Mossad exchange. " Tim told him. "Abby and I are still checking things out. We now have Tony's phone on constant surveillance. If she calls again we can get a trace. "

"Keep me posted McGee. I'm going to stay with DiNozzo. He will be really hung over when he wakes up."

"Sure Boss. If she calls again before he wakes up try to get her to stay on the line." Tim hated when he had to remind them of the obvious but he wanted to help his friend. "Abby is looking into some other avenues to find her.

"Of course," Gibbs grumbled. "Pull out all the stops. We have given her a year. She has time to "find herself". She left a lot of unfinished business here."

"I agree Boss."

"Stay on it, McGee." He slammed the phone shut and then stared at Tony's cell phone. He secretly hoped his glare would reach her and she would call.

NCIS

Ziva had spent her time getting her children feed, changed and now they were napping. After she got them down for a nap, she finally had time to think about the message Tony had left. She knew that he loved her. He had said so many times before he left her at the airport a year ago. One of the things he had convinced her to do was to write down her feelings and her goals. She had wanted to change back then. She wanted to leave Mossad, NCIS and the life her father had designed for her behind.

After checking on the twins, she went into her bedroom and opened a drawer of her desk. She removed a large journal and opened it to the first page. It was dated Tuesday, October 1. She read what she wrote. "I have just left Tony at the airport. It was the hardest think I ever did. I did not want him to go. I love him so much. I guess I have always loved him. But I have to find myself. I cannot do that without severing all ties with my past. But Tony is the hardest thing I have ever been forced to leave behind. He wants me to call Gibbs. He insisted on it. Gibbs will listen, Gibbs will understand, Gibbs will be Gibbs. I just hope I can call him."

She turned to the next entry. She read it. "Just called Gibbs. Tony was correct. He was Gibbs. He listened and did not offer advice I did not ask for. He told me the door was always open for me to call him to talk or to come back to NCIS. Right now the thought of returning to the comfort of my NCIS family is so what I want to do but it would be so wrong. I want to be a different person. I want to go back and see if I can become the woman I would have been if I my choices had been different. Gibbs is my father. He wants what is best for me with no alteier motives. He wants what is best for me. I will begin to reach for my new goals."

After she finished reading her two first entries, she began to remember the past year.

_Flashback _

_Ziva woke up to the sun shining through the window. She had not been feeling well for about a week throwing up almost nonstop. She had finally decided that she needed to see the doctor. She slowly sat up in the bed and looked over at the clock. Her appointment was in about two hours so she had time for a shower, change and try to eat a meal. All she had managed to keep down for the last week was water and crackers. She tried to walk into the bathroom to get a shower when her head started to spin and then the nausea hit again. She ran toward the toilet just making it in time for her to empty the contents of her stomach._

_After she finished she wiped her mouth and then rinsed the vomit out of her mouth. "What could be wrong with me? The stomach flu could not last this long could it?" She looked into the mirror and noticed the dark circles under her eyes. She had slept almost constantly for the whole week but she still looked and felt so tired._

_She managed a shower and a small meal of dry cereal and a piece of fruit and then she headed toward the doctor's office._

_First she met with the nurse and filled her in on all the symptoms she had been having. "When was your last period?" the nurse asked._

_Things had been so hectic with her father's death, the death of his killer and then Tony she had not really noticed. Since Somalia her periods had been erratic so keeping track was not a matter of concern. "I really do not remember. Things have been a little busy lately."_

_The nurse smiled and made a note on the chart. "Well let me ask this could it be possible you are pregnant?" she asked hesitantly. _

_Ziva started to answer no because she had not had sex in months until she remember Tony. They had been together a couple of times before he left. "Yes, I guess it could be possible. I was told after I was raped that the possibility of me getting pregnant was highly unlikely."_

"_But since it is possible we need to run a test just in case. That could explain all your symptoms," the nurse replied._

_A few minutes later the nurse came in and drew some blood for the test and then handed Ziva a cup for a urine test._

_NCIS_

_The urine test had come back positive for pregnancy and Ziva was floored. She had not expected to ever be pregnant. She knew that this was Tony's baby. She was torn between their agreement on giving her a chance to chase her new dreams or allowing him to be part of a pregnancy that might end in heartache. The doctor had checked her out and said she seemed healthy but he wanted to keep a close eye on her just in case with her medical history._

_She was to come back every two weeks for a check. She was now sitting in the office waiting for her doctor. "Hello Ziva, how are you feeling?"_

"_The morning sickness has eased somewhat." She told him. _

"_Good, well your hormone levels show you are defiantly pregnant and things are progressing normally. You are over 12 weeks so we want to do a sonogram and check out how things are progressing inside."_

_Ziva lay back on the table and the doctor put some cold gel on her stomach. Then he placed the wand and began to run it through the gel. Immediately the room filled with the sound of the baby's heartbeat. "Heartbeat sounds strong and healthy." He found the pocket in the uterus that housed Ziva's baby. He pointed out the head, the heart and took measurements. He checked out the placenta and then he noticed something that caused a look of concern on his face. _

"_Doctor, is there something wrong?"_

"_No not exactly Ziva. I have found you a bit of surprise. There is a second baby. Twins."_

_On Ziva's face was not a look of concern but a look a shock was there. "Twins, are you sure?"_

_He showed her the other baby sac. "Everything looks fine but given your history and what happened in Somalia I want you watched carefully. Is the baby's father still in the picture or are you alone?"_

"_He is out of the country but I will get my Aunt Nettie to move in with me if you do not want me alone."_

"_That sounds like a good idea. Does he know about the babies?"_

"_No, and given this complication I think I will not tell him. We are not speaking right now. He is giving me time to pursue my dreams."_

"_Did you leave things on good terms?" Ziva nodded yes. "Then he needs to know. If something happens during the pregnancy he would want to know."_

"_I know. I will consider what you have said." Ziva wiped the gel from her stomach and after making her next appointment she left still in shock. She called her aunt who immediately agreed to move in with her. She debated calling Shmell her dear friend but she was not ready to have the discussion of calling Tony. She knew he would insist that she call him. She was not ready for that discussion. She had a lot of thinking to do._

_End of Flashback_

Ziva had finally convinced Shmell that she did not want Tony to feel obligated to return to her because of the babies. If something had happened and she lost the babies he would be stuck. He was too honorable of a man to leave her after she had lost her babies.

Once again she returned to the message he had left her. He did not know about her pregnancy and after a year he still loved her. She grabbed the phone and once again dialed his number. She was not sure what she would say if he answered but it was the time of day in the US that he would be at work. She waited as it rang 3 times but his time someone answered. "Hello Ziver"

It was Gibbs. She started to hang up but then she panicked. Why Gibbs would be answering the phone he used only for her. "Hello Gibbs." She said quietly "Is Tony ok?"

"No, Ziver. He is still passed out. I came over here last night and he was passed out drunk. He was watching the Sound of Music and drinking bourbon."

"Really? Why?"

"Did you not realize what yesterday was? One year ago he left you at the airport. He misses you kiddo."

"He got drunk because of her. He really must love me," she thought. "Gibbs is he dating anyone?"

"No, if you want to know anything else you have to talk to him."

Ziva could hear her son beginning to awaken on the baby monitor. "I have to go Gibbs. Please do not tell him I called."

"I won't lie to him Ziver. If he asked I will tell him but if he does not ask I will respect your wishes. You need to talk to him though. "

"I know that Gibbs," she replied. "I will call him I promise." She hung up and went to check on the babies.

Gibbs hung out and immediately called McGee hoping he was able to get a trace. If he did then things could be looking up 1for his Senior Field Agent.

1

A


	3. Chapter 3

P. S. If this is Ziva

Chapter 3

AN: Thank you for all you wonderful reviews and well wishes for my health. I love the waterfall of reviews and followers. Please let me know if I am on track with my Tiva story. Normally I write Gibbs as the romantic.

NCIS

Previously on P.S. if this is Ziva

Once again she returned to the message he had left her. He did not know about her pregnancy and after a year he still loved her. She grabbed the phone and once again dialed his number. She was not sure what she would say if he answered but it was the time of day in the US that he would be at work. She waited as it rang 3 times but his time someone answered. "Hello Ziver"

It was Gibbs. She started to hang up but then she panicked. Why Gibbs would be answering the phone he used only for her. "Hello Gibbs." She said quietly "Is Tony ok?"

"No, Ziver. He is still passed out. I came over here last night and he was passed out drunk. He was watching the Sound of Music and drinking bourbon."

"Really? Why?"

"Did you not realize what yesterday was? One year ago he left you at the airport. He misses you kiddo."

"He got drunk because of her. He really must love me," she thought. "Gibbs is he dating anyone?"

"No, if you want to know anything else you have to talk to him."

Ziva could hear her son beginning to awaken on the baby monitor. "I have to go Gibbs. Please do not tell him I called."

"I won't lie to him Ziver. If he asked I will tell him but if he does not ask I will respect your wishes. You need to talk to him though. "

"I know that Gibbs," she replied. "I will call him I promise." She hung up and went to check on the babies.

Gibbs hung out and immediately called McGee hoping he was able to get a trace. If he did then things could be looking up 1for his Senior Field Agent.

NCIS

After changing the babies and got them playing with their mobiles, Ziva sat thinking in the rocking chair near the twins cribs. "He got drunk and passed out," she whispered. "I hope he is ok." Ziva walked over to a small table between the babies cribs. She picked it up and stared into the dark green eyes of the babies' father. She had taken this picture just after they had buried her I will statement. She remembered that day. It was the first time they had made love. She had always believed that was the moment the twins were conceived.

_Flashback_

_She had turned from patting the shovel on top of the pile of dirt over her now new dreams. She had left one I will statement off that list. One she did not want him to know about. She wanted to be Tony's life partner. She loved him so much it hurt to think that she was going to have to let him leave her. She was broken and did not know where to turn. She knew that if she returned with him to Washington with him as much as she wanted to she would return to her old life. She wanted to put the life of the cold Mossad killer away. She wanted to be that special young girl again. One that had not seen what she had seen. She knew Tony would help her achieve that. But she wanted to, had to do it on her own. _

_Tony walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. "Penny for your thoughts," he whispered. They talked. He tried to convince her to come back to Washington with him. She could not. She did not want to be pulled back into her old life. She loved him, she knew that now. She was not worthily of being loved yet. She had to find herself. Be the woman __**he **__deserved. _

_They returned to the house and silently make dinner. They moved in sink in the kitchen just like they had been together for years. Well they had been almost eight years. Tony set the table and Ziva brought the food to the table and they sat down opposite each other and began to eat._

"_I don't want you to go, "she mumbled. "I so want to ask you to stay."_

"_All you have to do is ask. I'll call Gibbs and resign from NCIS. I only want to be with you Zi."_

"_I cannot do that, Tony. I have to find out who I am first. You deserve the best me I can be and I do not know who that is just yet." _

_Tony leaned across the table. He cupped her face between his hands and began to kiss her face. "I know who you are. You are my Nija. I know you, Ziva. You are the best woman I have ever known. I love you, Zi."_

"_I love you too, Tony. But that does not change the fact Tony that I am broken. My father created a monster. A monster, who kills people. You deserve better than me. Gibbs deserves a better daughter than me. I cannot go back to Washington like this."_

_Tony pulled away and looked at her in shock. "I will do anything for you Zi. "_

"_I know Tony. I have to do this on my own. I have to make you and Gibbs proud of me."_

_Tony kissed her this time softly on the lips. "I am proud of you Zi. I want to show you how I feel. Please let me make real love to you. Not like when we were undercover. I loved you then but now I am in love with you."_

_Ziva smiled and put her arms around his neck and Tony flashed his hopeful grin. She nodded. She knew she wanted this. She knew it was wrong because she would still have to send him away but she wanted this now. _

_Food long forgotten the couple began kissing slow and passionately. Tony picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bedroom. He placed her gently down on the bed. "You sure about this," he whispered into her ear._

_Ziva smiled and nodded. "I do not know much about what I want but I want this Tony. I want you. I need to know you still want me despite all I have done, all I have seen. I just want to feel like a real woman. Can you do that?"_

"_I'll do my best," he said lovingly._

"_Really, at a time like this your ego leaves you. I trust you Tony. I know you will do more that your best." She giggled and then she began kissing him as his hand began to remove her clothing._

_End of Flashback._

Ziva touched the picture. She remembered every touch, every kiss, every caress and the passion he brought up in her. She missed him more than she realized. She then turned and looked into the cribs at her three month old twins. Both of them had his eyes and her son had his father's personality and grin. Even at three months she could see that Anton was his father made over and his sister had her coloring but she had anyone who encountered herwrapped around her finger in an instant. Ziva picked up her daughter Annie and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you both my darling but you daddy will totally adore you both. I cannot keep you from him any longer. I just do not know how he will accept that I did not tell him about you. I am counting on both of you to win him over." She placed Annie down in the crib with her brother. The two were always so cute together but at this moment they chose to turn to each other and wrapped their arms around each other and smiled. It was as if they were planning what to do when they met their father. Ziva could not help but laugh at them both.

NCIS

Tony woke up in his bed. He did not remember coming in and lying down. He was covered with a blanket. His mouth was dry and felt like he had swallowed a whole bottle of cotton. He managed to sit up even though his head was pounding and he noticed Gibbs jacket lying across the large easy chair that had been moved in from the living room. Then Tony remembered talking to Gibbs on the phone before he took that first drink. "You were right Boss, "he whispered.

"I'm always right but what about this time." Gibbs replied from the doorway.

"It did not remove the memories from my brain. It made it worse." Tony admitted. "Now I have a hell of a hangover and I'm here with you and not her."

"I told you that would be the case. I told you I would be here to hold the barf bucket." Gibbs smirked. "Feel like some coffee."

"That might help and a couple of aspirin." Tony replied. "My head is pounding." Tony looked around the bed for his phone.

"You looking for this, DiNozzo." Gibbs handed him the blue blackberry. Tony quickly looked at the missed calls. Gibbs had cleared them out. No since torturing him until she called for real. Gibbs could see the pain on Tony's face. "She didn't call Tony. She's trying to find herself. She may never call."

"I know Boss. But the heart wants what the heart wants." Gibbs smiled and walked out of the room to pour his friend a large cup of coffee and then returned with it and two aspirin.

Tony took the aspirin and then drunk the coffee down. He looked at his watch. "Why aren't you at work Boss?"

"McGee knows where I am? He is going to call if we get a call. My place is here."

Tony felt weak and helpless. Why was he so torn up over a woman? He had not felt like this with Wendy or Jennie. "I'm fine Boss. Go to work. I'm not going to drink anymore. You're right drinking does not work."

"Well, what are you going to do? You can't just give up on her now DiNozzo."

"Don't know Boss. I know loving her is my only option now. I tried the finding her and she stayed away. I just have to hope that my love will bring her back to me."Tony admitted. Gibbs walked over to him and put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"If it is meant for you to be together Tony she will be back. I know that. She is alive so you have a chance to get her back. Remember that."He placed a small head slap on the back of his hung over son. Deep inside he prayed that Tim would find her and he could go and bring his daughter back for his son.

It was like on cue that his phone rang. It was Tim. "Gibbs," he answered quickly.

"Boss, how's Tony?"

"He's awake and extremely hung over. We got a case."

"Sort of Boss. I found that person of interest you wanted me to find." Tim told him.

"Get me the information. I'm on my way in." Gibbs answered curtly and then hung up his phone.

"Got a case. I can come in if you need me" he replied trying to stand up but falling back down on the bed. He was wobbly and his knees were very weak.

"You stay here DiNozzo and sleep it off. I'll call you if you're needed." Gibbs told him. "You start a planning what you are going to do to fix your problem."

Gibbs then turned and walked out the door. As he closed the door behind him he hoped he could convince Ziva to come to back to Tony. They belonged together.

NCIS

Gibbs arrived at the Bull Pen in almost ten minutes. He exited the elevator with the words. "What do you have for me McGee?"

"She's still at the home where she was born. She never left there after Tony left her." Tim reported. Just then Leon Vance entered the room with a huge smile on his face.

"Got you a transport Gibbs. You leave for Israel in an hour. You have just enough time to pack and board." Vance smiled.

"So you are in on this two Leon."

"Well why wouldn't I have realized it was one year ago that he came back without out her?" he replied. "They deserve each other and if anyone can convince her to come back and face him it is you."

Gibbs nodded. He started toward the elevator where he was greeted by Abby coming out of the double doors. "Gibbs, Gibbs are you going to bring Ziva back to us?"

"I'm going to try Abby."

"Well, tell her we all love her. Tell her how much she is missed and tell her how heartsick Tony is without her." Abby rambled.

"I will tell her what she needs to hear Abby." Gibbs kissed her on the forehead. "Take care of Tony until I get back."

"What do we tell him about where you have gone, Boss?" McGee asked.

"Tell him I am on a mission that came up all of a sudden and I will explain it all later." Gibbs replied as the elevator door closed leaving the entire team staring at the light as the elevator descended to the car park.

NCIS

Gibbs had slept a little on the transport and was awakened by the jolt of the plane landing at the Tel Aviv airport. He was greeted by a driver from NCIS that drove him out to the house where McGee had told him Ziva would be. "Wait here for just a minute." Gibbs told the driver. "I'm not planning on leaving here but she may have sensed I was coming. She is a very well trained agent."

Gibbs got his duffle back out of the back seat and headed for the door. As he neared the door he could hear the sound of babies screaming inside. Gibbs could not help but smile. So that was the reason she had not contacted Tony, she had been kind of busy. Gibbs knocked on the door loudly enough to be heard over the crying. He was greeted by a frazzled haired very tired Ziva. She was holding two screaming babies one in each arm. Both babies looked like they were running fevers. She was shocked when she saw Gibbs. She was expecting her Aunt Nettie. "Gibbs? "She said quietly.

"Looks like you could use a hand there Ziver." Upon seeing Gibbs, her tiredness took over and she burst into tears. Gibbs reached out and took one of the babies from her and began to slowly rock him in his arms. It was almost like Anton sensed that Gibbs was his grandfather and he settled down immediately.

Ziva turned and walked into the house tears still streaming down her face. She plopped down in the rocking chair and began to rock her daughter. "How did you find me?" She looked down at little Annie Marie and smiled as she was going to sleep. "Let me guess McGee and Abby." He nodded. "Do they know about these two?"

Gibbs sat down in the easy chair next to her and Anton snuggled into his grandfather's arms. "Nope. This was a surprise. You have to call him now Ziva. He needs to know about these two. I can assume they are his." She nodded. "Both have ear infections."She nodded again.

"He is never going to forgive me for not telling him," she said quietly.

"Granted he will be upset but he will forgive you quickly I am sure of that." Gibbs told her.

"Can I get some rest first Abba?" Ziva asked.

"I think that might be a good idea." He stood up and walked to the door and waved at the driver. "Right now let's get these two feeling better and then I am taking you home." Ziva nodded. She knew that he was right. This was not news Tony needed to hear on the phone. She had to see him in person.

Gibbs bent down and kissed her forehead. "So what are my grandchildren's names?"

"You are holding Anton Jethro and I have Annie Marie DiNozzo." Ziva smiled through her tears.

AN: Please let me know what you think. I live for your reviews and suggestions. I am leaving for New Mexico for Christmas tomorrow so I may not get another chapter up for a couple of days. My mother likes to talk so I don't get much writing done. Also I have other stories that require attention. Also my granddaughter will be back with me so my soon to be 8 month old requires my attention.

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